Category: theatre

Swipe Right for Violet

Swipe right if you want to see Violet!

And make your way to Cape Town…

Violet Online, Love Me Tinder, opens in a few days, the 18th April, at the Alexander Bar, Cafe and Theatre.

We are getting excited and terrified and feeling so good and also know it’s going to be too much fun and you’ll be clutching your tummies laughing and gasping and maybe even crying a little.

When you get home, you’ll probably delete Tinder off your phone. But who knows, you might choose to upload it.

It will be obvious if you have to change your dating profile pic.

You’ll also know which vibrator not to buy, best place for shoes, what to do with a female condom, you may learn how to give a blow job and also how to find love.

Or at the very least, how to keep looking for love.

It’s fun, it’s funny, it’s sexy and we think you’ll enjoy it.

Book now.

Leave the kids at home with their phones.

And remember – avoid the man carrying the fish. He is dangerous.

A little like Violet herself.

Lynita

The beautiful and very talented Lynita Crofford plays Violet Online.

The play is directed by the amazing Megan Furniss.

It’s at The Alexander Bar, Cafe and Theatre, opens 18 April. 021 – 300 1088

 

Drag

Last night was filled with so many secret delights. Glitzy frocks, sequinned bras, crazy eyelashes, platinum wigs, fishnets, lipstick, garters and heels.

And men.

Amazing gorgeous glorious men, all dressed up as women. Drag artists. Brave, bold, brilliant drag artists, doing exactly what they love to do – being women!

We were at Buzz 9 in Melville, Johannesburg for the Diva Divine Drag Extravaganza and these Divas were amazing.

They strutted their stuff, sang out loud, danced, flirted, bit their bottom lips and were basically, completely totally outrageous.

And we had the best outrageous fun with them.

We wolf whistled when Charne came on stage as Tina Turner. We oohed and aahed when Sally did a very sexy Britney Spears number, and we roared with laugher when Kitana rolled her hips against the super conservative man sitting with me.

The audience was unbelievably appreciative. And I think we were all a teeny bit jealous. Not just of the outfits and the glitz and glam but of these men who were not scared to be what they wanted to be.

Women.

It was fabulous. Until Kitana Klitorus came out for the last number. And then we all went very quiet. And surprisingly, some of us cried.

She picked up the microphone, held it towards her bright pink plump lips, and sang Shirley Bassey’s This is my Life. As she sang, with incredible raw emotion, she stepped out of her glittery frock, peeled off her corset and bravely removed her padded bra.

This was not a strip show. This was Kitana baring her soul. She continued singing – This is me, This is me – in just her fishnets, heels and eyelashes. By the time she removed her wig she stood in front of us, the woman, or man, that she is, without any pretence. Just pride.

Flat chested, short haired, penis-hidden and fearless Kitana.

It was one of the bravest performances I’ve seen.

And then the artists went back to flashing their legs, flicking their hair, showing off their cleavage and flamboyantly waving goodbye.

When I left I was curious. I know I said they had no fear. The truth is I have no idea what their daily lives entail and how hard it is to be a drag artist. I would very much like to know and I do have an interview set up with Charne.

She said she would love to talk to me, but that I should be very aware of one thing.

‘Be careful, dear Violet,’ she said. ‘ Because I may well walk away with your bra.’

Lucky I hardly ever wear one.

divas.jpg

Buzz 9

Plink.  With artists Kitana Klitorus, Charné Churchill and Sally Werq

 

Violet inappropriately reviews her own play

I was told that writers never watch their own plays. They’re supposed to sit at the bar and drink during the show, but there was no way I could do that. As the lights went down I picked up my gin and snuck into the back row.

And had a really good time!

What I loved about the play, apart from the fabulous actress and ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, was the audience.

They started off a little quietly, unsure whether to laugh or not, and then once Violet had said her first ‘cunt’, they started giggling. Then laughing, then roaring and the man in front of me actually choked.

He was old, it may have been a heart attack and maybe it ended in death, but at least he went smiling.

The audience had fun. You could see women elbowing men, as if to say, ‘this could be us.’  And women elbowing each other because they identified with the stories or recognised the men that Violet talks about.

People connected.

As soon as the show ended I ran to the bathroom. A woman ran in behind me. While I was fixing my lipstick she opened her phone, downloaded a dating app and said – ‘Thanks, Violet, I don’t know why I didn’t do this earlier.’

Yay for her!

And afterwards, everyone shared their stories. Not only women but men too. Violet seemed to have given a platform for older people to talk honestly about dating, love and sex.

It’s a little bit like Fifty Shades of Grey. It was a terrible book (I read all three, obviously) but it made erotica, sex and BDSM permissible. It made it, in South Africa anyway, okay to read and talk about these things, publicly.

The highlight for me was the man at the end of the show who I met at the bar.

‘Good evening’, he said, while signalling the barman. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Violet’, I replied, completely poker-faced.

‘That’s a lovely name’, he said. ‘ Barman, give me a drink. I hate the fucking theatre.’

Lynita Crofford plays Violet.

Directed by Megan Furniss.  Auto and General Theatre on the Square, Sandton.  011 – 883 8606.  On till 7 Nov.

Nervous?

Violet Online, the play, opens in Johannesburg tomorrow night. It’s very bloody exciting but oh my gosh, nerve wracking too!

I’m suddenly thinking that it’s time to get off the couch and have my hair cut, my legs waxed and buy something gorgeous and sexy to wear to the opening.

Except, and I think it’s nerves, I’ve found it really hard to do anything vaguely functional. My day has been filled with friends and phone calls and every time I try do something, I get distracted.

Instead of buying a dress or shoes I have:-

Had three bubble baths.

Bought lipgloss.

And two pairs of earrings.

Eaten a ton of ice cream.

And binged on salted caramel.

Had five cups of coffee.

Played with my dogs.

Napped in a sunbeam.

Planted an entire vegetable garden.

And thought of a new idea for a blog.

The one thing I did manage was a visit to my favorite store – The Bedroom – where I bought a very sexy pair of black silk stockings and suspenders. I know it’s not very smart to have the stockings without the dress.

But there is not much I can do about it now.

Instead, I’m going to go to yoga where I will relax, meditate, breathe slowly and think about tomorrow night.

And know that while I am in the audience, there will be a man there too, sitting separately from me, alone, and very sexy.

And only he and I (and maybe you) will know that I am wearing the stockings!

Violet Online stars the beautiful Lynita Crofford and is directed by talented Megan Furniss. It’s at The Auto and General Theatre on the Square, Sandton, 28 Oct – 07 Nov.

http://www.showbizinfullhd.co.za/theatre.html  (See here for this morning’s interview)

http://www.thebedroom.co.za

Violet Online – the play.

Violet Online is opening.

Not her legs!

The play….

It’s going to be on at The Auto and General Theatre on The Square in Sandton, Johannesburg in just two weeks time.

Previews 27 October and opens 28 October and we are excited, nervous, trying not to take tranquilisers and definitely not panicking.

Starring the very talented and beautiful Lynita Crofford.  Directed by the fierce and fabulous Megan Furniss.

And written by me – Violet Online.

Bring your husband, your boyfriend, your lover, your lovers, all your girlfriends, your mom and your granny.

Leave the kids at home.

And if you’re not in Jozi- well – get on a flight, dammit.

Book at the theatre 011- 883 8606.

It’s a lot of sexy somewhat hilarious fun.

http://www.theatreonthesquare.co.za

http://www.strictlytickets.com