We’ve chosen champagne
instead of going walking
very fucking smart.
We’ve chosen champagne
instead of going walking
very fucking smart.
‘Gather round, in a circle, hold hands, breathe in…’
I did not want to gather around. I did not want to get all touchy feely. I certainly did not want to look anyone deeply in the eye or share my emotions.
I just wanted to drink wine.
But I had committed to a class of Biodanza and so, I gathered around, held hands with those around me, took a deep breath in, put wine out of my mind and then…
Oh my dear magnificent Goddesses.
What an amazing experience. We danced. We danced on our own, we danced with strangers, we danced to the beat, we danced badly, we danced really close, we danced without judgement, we grooved, we go-go danced, we got rid of all our stress, we sweated, we laughed, we did not cry because it was not that kind of touchy feely and it was the best thing I have done in years.
I didn’t drink wine but I did drink 3 litres of water.
And when I got home, feeling fabulous and fantastic, I had a bubble bath, drank another 3 litres of water and then went to sleep.
Which is exactly what Biodanza is. Biodanza means ‘Dance with Life.’ And that is what you do. You dance so hard you feel like you’re flying. And when you slow down it feels like you’re floating.
It was as good as really really really good sex.
It helped that we had a brilliant facilitator, Michele Dean. Also, a wonderful and small group of people, each wanting the same thing. To dance and to feel free. We were white, black, young, old, hip, not hip, Biodanza converted and skeptical. (that would be me)
I am possibly the most clumsy person in the world, also kind of the least touchy feely when it comes to strangers. But this was cool. Not touchy feely in that oh god painful touchy feely way. But good real honest wonderful connection.
Michele has the best music. We danced to world music from Africa and South America, Ali Farka Toure, Ry Cooder, Bobby McFerrin and Chuck Berry, also some Indian sacred spirit do not roll your eyes stuff, lots of jazz and man, it was all good.
I need more music in my life. I need more dance in my life. I need more strangers in life.
And I cannot wait to go back!
Michele Dean 0832677986
Facebook – Biodanza Melville
Facebook – Biobliss – Recovering joy and connection
Last night I fell asleep feeling uneasy. And today, I still feel uneasy.
I have been afflicted by a general malaise. A friend told me to ‘snap out of it.’
Snap out of it Violet, he said. You’re so much more fun when you’re alive.
Fuck off, I replied from the couch, giving him the death stare. When he carried on, I threw my book at him.
I have brilliant aim. The best aim of all the sex bloggers out there. I hit him boom bang kapow right in the middle of his forehead.
Blood. Bruising. Concussion.
Violet, how could you…
I got off the couch, retrieved my book, wiped off the blood and lay down again.
What page was I on?
Ah, chapter three.
I am afflicted by malaise.
Dear sweet god I have such a sore back from sitting upright at my desk, legs crossed and tucked underneath me, fingers poised on the keyboard.
I am working. Very fucking hard.
It’s killing me, I’m stiff, I’m sore, my whole body is aching and I gotta take a break.
I could go for a dog walk. But it’s cold and windy outside.
I could maybe go to the gym. But yeah, still cold and windy.
Or I could do a few exercises right here.
Stand up and raise my arms about my head and stretch, do a couple of waist exercises, a few neck rolls, stretch my head from side to side, take out my yoga mat, sun salutations, ooh nice, downward dog, tree pose, straight into cobra and god I love this pose and oh sleepy and on my back and holding my legs up to my chest and stretching out and such a good break and oh my hand just found its way into my underwear and this is really good and so relaxing and yes little circles and getting a little wet and a little wetter and fuck yes, god yes, jesus yes.
That is what I want to do.
I just did.
I just took that break.
And now I can get back to work.
So I did my first online freelance writing job yesterday. Being quite particular I asked for a brief and who the audience was going to be, target market etc.
The brief was ‘Write about diet pills, be quick, here are the key words, GO.’
The money was okay, they wanted ten articles, 400 words each, and hey, I could do this. I’ve learned I can write about anything.
I agonised quite a bit over the first article, particular side effects of the diet pill. I did a whole lot of research, wrote beautifully and intelligently then sent it in to make sure I was on the right track. The response was immediate.
‘Great, keep going.’
I guessed immediately she hadn’t read it properly, but hey, I kept going.
I sent in each article as I went along. I learned about and wrote about Fat Burners, Stimulants, Appetite Suppressants and how much weight Sue and Dave and Sam have all lost. I learned that I would never take a diet pill in my life and wouldn’t recommend anyone else take them either, but hey, money.
I was selling my soul.
Brilliant, she kept telling me. Do another ten.
Each article was pretty much the same thing – why you should take this diet pill over any other – just spun in different ways.
I got bored with myself. On Article Number 12, ‘What is a Fat Burner’ I wrote don’t panic, you might combust, there will be flames and burning fires, it will hurt, but hey, you will be skinny.
That one got accepted too.
She definitely was not reading them.
I’m being scammed I thought.
Except. I’ve been paid. Already. And they’ve asked me to do ten more.
I dont think I can. I dont know what else to say about an appetite suppressant. Except to say don’t do it. If you want to lose weight, ugh, just fuck. Have sex. Masturbate. Then write about it.
It’s a much more fun way to earn.
I forgot to say
binge watching Breaking Bad
or Better Call Saul
a walk in the park
medication if needed
and occasional sex
You know that thing when you wake up really early in the morning and have anxiety? Like you cannot quite put your finger on it but your heart beats fast, your chest feels tight, you go over a zillion mostly irrational things in your head, you have butterflies, think you’re dying, maybe fall asleep for a bit and then – the sun comes up and you feel okay again.
I had one of those this morning.
Which, once I was up, I kind of forgot about. I had a bubble bath, chose a good dress, put on eyeliner, a bit of lipstick and went to meet my girlfriends for coffee.
Hey guys, sorry I’m a bit late, kiss kiss, oh your hair looks gorgeous, I love that shirt, yes, cappuccino please, double shot…
And then, unexpectedly, I just burst into tears.
Sob. Splutter. Sob.
My blonde friend gave me her cappuccino. My other blonde friend gave me her shirt to weep into.
And the exquisite blonde hugged me.
In case you think I only have gorgeous blonde friends, the others are out of town.
Anyway, I just sobbed.
And apart from the fact that I got all the attention, immediate coffee and the biggest freshest croissant, it felt so good.
So good to have friends that I could do this with.
I sobbed and they listened to me and nodded their heads gravely
And by the time I left the coffee shop, I felt so much better.
And I think I needed to share that.
That sometimes it is just very important to break down.
And talk. Weep, sob, wail, over absolutely anything.
And then dry your cheeks, have another coffee and continue on your way.
And know that everything helps.
A stylish dress.