I just read about the Toronto International Porn Festival and a light bulb thing went off in my head. Yes, I thought, this what we need in South Africa. I immediately picked up my phone and texted a friend who’s a movie producer. ‘Hey. Why … Continue reading Tales of a Not so Serial Squirter
My gay friend is a very angry gay friend.
He yelled at me over the phone.
I’ve been your friend for twenty years. Twenty fucking years. And you’ve never written about me, ever. Now, I introduce you to X and you write an entire blog about him. Same day. He gets immediate celebrity status and I get one teeny ridicululous mention as ‘The Gay Friend.’
I giggled. Calm down. At least I didn’t call you the fat gay friend. Or the fat grey gay friend. Or the old fat grey bad tempered friend. Or…
I was having fun. This was good for my story telling.
You are such a bitch, Violet. All I want is a bit of recognition. But no, nothing. X gets it, your disastrous lovers get it, even your ex bloody husband gets it. And me? Nothing. I’ve been steady in your life, always there for you, sometimes I even read your blogs, and – nothing, nothing.
It wasn’t helping that I kept giggling and interrupting him with things like Yeah but what do you think, should I botox, and hey I bought such a pretty dress today, also, you know I’m trying to do my stomach exercises, hold on while I switch ears.…
He was on a tirade. I let him go on. And on. And on.
He called me a few names. Names I’d never heard before.
Ew, I said.
Ew, he said back. Anyway, fuck you. I’m pissed off.
I got off my yoga mat, checked my abs, not bad, not bad at all. I was ready for a meal.
Ya know, I’m starving. Drinking only fruit juice and not having online sex has me ravenous. Wanna go out for lunch?
Sure. He suggested the lovely cafe down the road.
Groovy, I said. Bring X with you.
See! The beauty of friendship. Fat gay male angry friendship.