I just read about the Toronto International Porn Festival and a light bulb thing went off in my head. Yes, I thought, this what we need in South Africa. I immediately picked up my phone and texted a friend who’s a movie producer.
‘Hey. Why don’t we have a porn festival?’
I thought he would come back immediately, all excited at my brainwave porn idea.
Not really. It took him all day to reply and then he texted back without a single emoji.
‘What would be the point? You can watch porn any day or night, anytime, 24/7.’
Hmmm. I thought. Okay. It was 3 pm. Friday afternoon. Why not? I took off my underwear, lay on the bed, opened my Macbook and googled porn.
I found garbage. Boring, no story line, faked orgasms, always perfect bodies, never a hair in sight, never messy, the girl always comes like again and again and again oh my and it’s mostly just bullshit.
The lesbian porn I found was a bit of a turn on and I kinda started feeling it but then, oh come on, both women squirted simultaneously and what the fuck nonsense is that.
I don’t know anyone who has ever squirted. I’ve never squirted. I’d never even heard of squirting till about two years ago. I’m pretty sure it’s staged for men’s egos. I did find a Youtube Squirting Tutorial but you have to put a plastic sheet on the mattress and I don’t buy this, any of this, not one little bit.
Anyway. Talking from a woman’s point of view, the porn I find online is not good. And yet I know there is good porn out there. Which is why we need a Porn festival. The Toronto Porn Festival sounded amazing, with erotica, kink, BDSM, trans stuff, good sexy stuff, all things sexy – but in an honest, well made, genuine way. With story lines! And good lighting. And great actors. Tackling important subjects, in an important but sexy way.
We need good porn. Not because I’m horny although goddammit it’s now 3 pm on a Sunday afternoon and I’m still struggling, but because bad porn is dangerous. Bad porn gives out bad messages. Bad porn makes young women think they need to be hair free, have multiple orgasms and dear god they’re in trouble if they don’t squirt. Bad porn makes young men think they have to perform in a certain way. Bad porn is bad, and it’s pretty much all we find online.
So. Back to that festival. Which by the way should be cool to attend, for all genders and adult ages, without shame.
Who wants to go into business with me?
Porn is important. It’s sexy. It’s totally normal to watch and everyone does at some point in their lives but goddammit, we need the good stuff. The great stuff.
Find me great porn. Start a festival with me.
But forget the fucking squirting. Or message me if I’m wrong.