Love me tender

Come to me this evening Violet, I have a lovely bottle of wine, nuts, the new Leonard Cohen…

Um nope, you come here.  I have whisky, veggies, ice cream in the freezer.

We both hesitated. It had been a while. We needed to redefine our territory.

We needed neutral ground.

A restaurant.

I arrived first and chose a lovely corner table. He arrived and immediately suggested we change tables.

We changed tables.

He had control.

He gave me a delicious box of chocolates. A peace offering?

I set them aside.

I took back control.

And then without waiting, I explained why I wouldn’t come to his home.

I know we’ll end up having sex, I said. And I don’t want that anymore.

He looked at me, mostly with surprise. He asked what I meant.

I mean, I do not want just sex.  It is not enough for me.  I want kindness. Gentleness too.

I said this to a man who cannot commit. Who I believe has intimacy issues.

I continued.

I want to be held. I want someone to stroke me. I want to feel fingers, gently, running down my back. I may even want to be held. And hugged.

Quite hard for me to say these words. I too have intimacy issues.

Am I not gentle Violet? I have only ever been gentle.

It’s true. He has always been a gentleman.

He is a gentleman.

It goes back to commitment, I said. You’re never going to commit to me, and…

He interrupted.

Maybe you need to tell me what you want, Violet. You’ve never told me.  Is it commitment you’re after?

I couldn’t answer that.

Because I have no clue what I want.

I don’t know, I said. But I want more than what we have.

I got up to go to the bathroom. He got up too. I thought he was being polite.

Instead, he leaned in and over and hugged me.

A very hard, tight, warm, cosy, kind and gentle hug.

And I realised that I had been getting myself rather mixed up.

That not all men have intimacy issues.

And perhaps this one is more gentle than I think.

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11 thoughts on “Love me tender

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