This morning I woke up feeling rather delicious. I ran a bubble bath, added oil, stepped out of my pyjamas and into the water.
I lay back with my eyes closed, covering myself in steamy hot luscious bubbles.
So good. I soaked for ages.
I got out, wrapped myself in a thick towel and stood in front of the mirror.
Not bad, I thought.
Picking up the cream, I started with my legs, then my thighs, my belly, my breasts and back to my thighs.
It was time to test the We Vibe Tango Touch.
I dropped the towel, picked up the toy and lay back on the bed.
Setting three, just the way I like it.
I opened my legs a little, I was so close, yes god yes oh my okay yes ready but no, no, I realised I hadn’t closed my bedroom curtains.
Terrible timing I thought, but I better close them.
I got up and went to the window.
My gate was open.
I looked again.
The gate was open and my car was gone.
Oh my sweet dear vibrating goddesses.
I dropped the toy, looked again, no car, grabbed my towel, rushed outside, definitely no car, called my friends, called the police, threw on some clothes, let my friends in, let the police in, gave a statement, made tea, called insurance, called my bank, called everyone, did everything, made more tea, filled out the paperwork and a few hours later, sank back on the couch.
What a day.
My towel is in a heap on the floor.
My tea is cold.
But, what’s that?
I hear a buzzing.
It’s the We Vibe Tango Touch. It’s on the bed.
It hasn’t run out of batteries yet.
I think I have to try it. Right now.