Like everyone I have been a bit obsessed with the Olympics. I’m a little sorry that my parents never pushed me to go to gymnastics more than once and that my trampoline skills only ever included lying on my back and making out.
There are a couple of sports I really like though. I love dressage, most because it’s about fashion and elegance, and I quite look horses too. I can watch swimming at any time, it’s easy to appreciate those extraordinary bodies.
Male and female, of course.
And the archery is astonishing, because we all know it’s easy as fuck and we’d be representing our countries if we wanted to.
Actually, I am not even sure South Africa has an archery team, but whatever.
My favourite parts of the Olympics are when the commentators say things like – ‘Nothing much exciting happening here yet.…’ when this is the OLYMPICS, you shmo, these people are like brilliant and skilled, the fastest, most talented in the world.
Anyway, feeling slightly inadequate and also left out, I figured there should be a Writer’s Olympics. It’s only fair, swimmers and acrobats; we have special skills too.
I think we deserve medals for:
Cleaning the keyboard keys.
Long distance gazing
Out the window gazing.
And maybe even a little writing too.
Goddammit dear swimmers and athletes, but there are things that we are good at and it’s high time you appreciate us.