It stings

I very hesitantly unlocked the door. Pushed it open. Took a deep breath. Stepped outside. And looked up.

I mean you no harm, I told the wasps.

And I left the house.

For the last few months I’ve lived side by side with a nest of wasps. They’ve done their thing, I’ve done mine and it’s been okay.  I sit in my garden, they gently buzz, I’ve learned not to be scared of them.

But for some reason they moved to my front door. And built a new nest right above it. And there weren’t just a few wasps, there were about a hundred.

I disturbed them each time I went in and out. I was scared. They were probably scared too.

I got advice.

Wear a thick jacket so you don’t get stung. Take a broom, set it on fire, hold it up and smoke them out.

Hah.

I was never going to do that. Mostly because I was really scared I would set the entire neighbourhood on fire, but also because I didn’t want to smoke them out.

I didn’t want to kill them.

I called Gus. Professional wasp remover. I told him there was some urgency, like me never getting back into my house;  he promised to come at lunchtime.

I went off to work (drink coffee, eat cake) and came home in time to let Gus in.

There was no sign of him.

But there was a bloodbath.

Hundreds of dead wasps littered the porch.

The wasp guy came before I got home. And without asking, without talking to me, he wiped them out.

BOOM BANG WITH I’M GUESSING A HUGE EXTINGUISHER POISON CHEMICAL THING.

I had to step over them to reach my door. And it was very bloody horrible.

I mean you no harm, I’d said.

And then I’d had them obliterated.

I had thought, like with bees, people relocated wasps. Clearly not.

I feel terrible.

The world we live in is fragile. It’s a big mess and we need to take a whole lot more care of it.

I didn’t take care of the wasps.

Gus didn’t either, and I am very sorry I called him.

I still don’t know what the alternative was.  Maybe there wasn’t one.

But now I have another crisis.  There’s a lizard in my bathtub. It must’ve come in through the window.  It’s enormous and it’s beautiful and it’s many sparkling colours.

I really want to have a bath and I don’t know how to get it out.

I do not want to share my bath with a lizard.

But there’s no way I’m calling Gus…

Unknown

34 thoughts on “It stings

  1. OMG I like your post, but I don’t like the mass murder… not your fault. I don’t know what else you could have done. But… poor wasps.

    It’s also times like this that I’m glad I don’t live in SA. The worst I ever find in my bath is spiders. And I love spiders. They’re beautiful and tickly on my hand.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i have a neighbor kid that i call when i have a lizard in the house. she’s fast and gentle and totally unafraid of anything creepy. shall i send her over to scoop the little guy up for you? i pay her in cookies. x

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Wasp nests are better shut down in their infancy rather than after they’ve expanded to village proportion. Just grab the lizard and transport him/her to your lovely garden to help control the bugs there? 😳

    Like

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