Tinder, Rebooted.

Tinder has never quite worked for me, and I think I finally get why.

I have been looking for love.

And Tinder is all about looking for sex. Raunchy, quick, no pretending, don’t ask names, let’s meet immediately and get it off, sex.

So while I thought I would go on glorious dates and be wined and dined and showered with gifts, really, I had men who just wanted to fuck me.

Men who wanted to send me photographs of their purple warrior.  Their meat thermometer. Their lady boner.

Photographs of dicks, up close and personal, did not turn me on.

Especially when they belonged to strangers.

Even when I changed my profile pic and made myself look demure and old fashioned and just, well, unsexy, they kept on coming.

Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

So I deleted Tinder.

I was not going to find love on Tinder.

Or was I? Am I?

Right now I’m on a plane heading to Cape Town. The man sitting next to me is on his phone.  He’s on Tinder, of course, and swiping furiously.

I’m looking over his shoulder.

Ever send dick pics, I ask?

Only to my girlfriend, he replies. 

And winks.

He’s not the man for me. He sends dick pics and he’s hogging the damn armrest. Also, he keeps adjusting his schlong. But he is rather gorgeous and has told me there are lots of fully clothed, older, handsome, single men in Cape Town.

So I’m reloading Tinder. I’m only going to be in the city for a few days and I’m going to swipe right on every single interesting intelligent well hung man I come across.

User name – Violet.

Bio – Looking for love.  Or sex.  Or love and sex.

Wish this plane would land already.

Wish I could remember my password.

tinder two

16 thoughts on “Tinder, Rebooted.

  1. I have had some pretty awesome dates because of Tinder and one serious relationship. Also, I met on Tinder the man I’m dating at the moment and he’s awesome. We haven’t even had sex, yet… Maybe that’s because I’m younger, I don’t know. But my experiences haven’t all been bad, at all 🙂 and I’ve never received a dick pic!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My friend introduced me to Bumble, set up much like Tinder, but it’s up to women to make the first move. So really, you get to pick your dicks instead of receive unsolicited dick pics. I have it loaded on my phone but don’t feel well enough to shop for men within 2 blocks. She got a lot of dates and now a really great boyfriend, like a modern-day motherfucking fairy tale. Good luck with your quest for finding you some strange. ~kiwifreund

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tried Bumble. Yes, women go first–if they ever go at all. Which is fine, I guess. But that whole 24hr clock. I think they have it the opposite. Men should go first, but have the clock to make sure they don’t just swipe indiscriminately. My 3c’s.

      Like

  3. Haha, purple warrior!

    I can’t understand the idea behind the dick pics if it’s really supposed to be seductive. That’s no more sexy than biology class (for the record, biology class = 0 on the sexy scale). And here you can see how the foreskin pulls back during an erection. Aha, do I have to take notes? Is this going to be on the exam?

    I suspect that it’s more about excitement for the owner of the dick.

    Liked by 1 person

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