Dear Violet

The most exciting mail that I got today read like this:-

‘Dear Violet. I’m so impressed by your DIY as shown on your blog. Can you please give me more info on the stools and table?’

Hah, fabulous!

Usually, I get asked questions about the best place to meet a man, the most succesful dating apps, or where to find the g-spot.

Through my table building process, I have realised that DIY is very similar to sex.

It is very bloody satisfying.

A package arriving at the door is like foreplay.

Coaxing bits and pieces out of the bubble wrap is stimulating.

Fiddling around with screws and nails, kinda bloodcurdling.

Discovering the use of the Allan Key is as good as finding your g-spot.

And using a drill is the equivalent of a multiple orgasm.

The only difference is that DIY should be done under bright lights whereas sex is often best in the dark.

DIY, like sex, is not always easy.

But it is usually fun.

And I have had too much fun.

I’m afraid I may be a little obsessed so please excuse me while I look for my hammer.

I’m wearing a hard hat instead of heels and gloves instead of a garter belt.

And I’m sorry, dear reader.

But I may never pick up my vibrator again.

17 thoughts on “Dear Violet

  1. Hmmmmm. Violet, I work every day with drills, Allen keys, spanner etc. And let me tell you, nothing tightens my nuts more than locating a g spot and utilizing it for its intended purpose. I’m very concerned that you have dropped your bedside power tools for DIY power tools. I think the whole concept of DIY has corrupted your sensory perception. I like DIY, but it is soooooooo much better to play with power tools with a friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. And by “friend” i mean, the opposite gender (I use gender as apposed to sex……………………………). Ah, fuck, what was I saying??????????

    Like

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